Adopted- Danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil
by Kitty-The-Neko
Summary: Because of crazy fangirls, Dan and Phil must take care of a 4 year old girl because of THE MAJESTY BLESS HER QUEEN. Rated T for Dan's potty mouth. Oh and no Dan x Phil or Dan x Child. I've seen those... *shudder*
1. Stupid Phangirls

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN OUR FUCKING ADDRESS HAD FUCKING LEAKED OUT ONTO THE INTERNET?!" Dan shouted.

"I don't know?" Phil whimpered. Dan had been happily browsing the Internet in the living room when Phil burst into the room and told him about the erm. Leak,"Well, it won't be very important right? I mean no one is going to stalk us and steal our dirty underwear or something." Phil asked.

"Yeah I guess so,"

But, Dan and Phil were very worried and hardly got to making videos.

**One Month Later*Insert Classical Music - Morning Song here for effect***

Phil yawned as he got out of bed and went to the bathroom to do the normal thing he does in the morning. As he got out of the room and into the hallway, he heard a sound. It came from the window.

***Please Stop Teh Music and insert a shattering glass sound with your mind***

"WE WANT PHAN! WE WANT PHAN WE WANT PHAN!" the largest mob of phangirls he had ever seen was chanting with huge signs. They were over crowding the streets and some acrobatic ones were on top of buildings and hanging from windows. One girl was leading them with a phan shirt, pants , necklace and everything with a phan microphone.

"Where did she get that?" Phil murmured.

" WHAT DO WE WANT? PHAN! WHEN DO WE WANT IT? **NOWWWWW**! WE WANT PHAN! WE WANT PHAN!"

"DAN DAN!" Phil ran into Dan's room and turned on the light. Dan woke up.

"Phil... What do you want?" he groaned.

"THERESABINCHOFPHANGIRLSONOURDOORSTEPWANTINGPHANANDTHEYHAVESIGNSANDEVERYTHING!" Phil said very quickly but somehow Dan managed to understand.

"SAY WHAT?" he yelled and ran to the window. Forgetting to put any clothes on. Phil blushed and put his hands around his eyes.

"You should put some pants on," he said.

"FORGET ABOUT FUCKING PANTS! THERE'RE POLICE ARRESTING THEM AND A FUCKING HELICOPTER!" Indeed there was. There was so much commotion a parent called the police due to the very inappropriate photo shopped phan flyers the phangirls were stapling around the building.(If you wish to know its lemon) And the crowd was SO big the news found out and sent a helicopter to investigate.

"They'll stop eventually," Phil said nervously,"Right?"

"OPEN UP ITS THE FBI." A very stern voice shouted. Phil opened the door. It was two very officially looking guards and the QUEEN :0.

"Uhhh your majesty, may you wait a moment for my room-mate too uhh, put some clothing on," Phil said nervously, remembering Dan was naked.

"Gentleman, as you know, there is a big mob out there wanting this _Phan,"_ the Queen spoke.

"Yes, your Majesty," Dan and Phil gulped.

"I have a solution, you are to take care of this girl and pretend one of you were pregnant and you are taking care of this child," she smiled and from behind her peeped a 4 year old girl with long brown hair and big yellow eyes. She was wearing a blue dress which was trimmed with white. She was holding a big brown leather suit case. The queen gently pushed her towards them. Dan and Phil watched the girl walk in and lie on the couch and instantly went to sleep.

"B-but your majesty," Dan started but when they turned around, the Queen was gone.

**Whadda think? Pretty good? Pretty original? I hope this is a good story... Anyway don't forget to Review and Vote in my Poll for which fan-fiction I should make! And if you don't know what to review... Here are some samples!(Note: This idea was from the author Google It, I got the idea from her sorry if this caused any trouble and I won't be disclaiming this since well, read Google It fan fiction. It's the best one!)**

I like this

I hate this

I dislike this

This is so unoriginal

This is so original

I like trains.

^Me tooo!

dnerufhnbjhvguyhcdbjhyuasdjikxndhjask there is your review.

THIS IS COPYRIGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

**BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :3**


	2. Day 1- Shopping

"What should we do with her?" Dan and Phil stared at the little girl.

"Look through her suitcase? She may need clothes and stuff," Phil suggested. And so they did. She had 6 pairs of underwear, a file of everything about her, a file of them... A blue cat plush with a white belly and a green bag, a note pad and a pencil and 10 000 POUNDS? On the money there was a note.

'A small donation so you will have enough money to buy the required things for the child - From The Queen.'

First Dan and Phil read the document.

"I guess it's time to go shopping with her now," Phil said.

"Hey little girl... WAKE UP!" Dan shook her. She got up with a very angry but cute expression on her face.

"Time to go shopping!" Dan said with fake enthusiasm.

"We have to name her though!"

"Uh Kaolin?" No.

"Louise?" Denied.

"Gertrude?" Dan received a very hard elbow in the stomach.

"Lina?" No.

"Neko?" nadda.

Dan noticed her dress was blue, like Alice in Wonderland's dress.

"Alice?" Yup! Alice happily took her money and her notepad with pencil, and skipped out the door. Dan and Phil followed.

Dan and Phil wondered around the shop as the little girl lead them on happily. She went to the Halloween section and choose the Alice in Wonderland dress- Madness Returns. It was a blue dress with a white apron thing and a huge white bow at the back, along with black and white stockings. It also came with the knife.

"Urm, are you really sure you want that?" Phil asked very unsure about her choose of clothing. She nodded and placed the clothes into the cart. Alice skipped back to the normal (thank god) clothing and got some NORMAL clothes.

"You know, do you think we should get her an actual knife?" Dan asked.

"WHAT?"

"You know, for self defence,"

"NO WAY WE ARE DEFINITELY NOT! SHE'S 4 YEARS OLD!"

"She's actually 4 and a half. Anyway, she came from the QUEEN won't somebody want to kidnap her?"

"DAN!"

Whilst Dan and Phil were bickering, they failed to noticed Alice taking their phones. Making a note, taking a screenshot and making it their background. She skipped merrily away and bought some more things. She took it back to the apartment and took the underground to Louise's house (A.K.A Sprinkle of glitter) and slept on her couch.

"Ok fine! No knife!" Dan groaned," Where's Alice?" he realised.

"OH GOD WE HAVE TO REPORT THIS!" Phil took out his phone.

"Oh..."

"WHY ARE YOU HESITATING SHE COULD BE DEAD RIGHT NOW!" Dan screamed frantically.

"She's at Louise house,"

"What?"

"DID YOU HOW WORRIED WE WERE?" Dan shouted. They found her playing with Darcy and chatting with Louise. Well, more like Louise asking questions and Alice writing in her notebook to talk. Alice started to tremble.

"WE THOUGHT YOU WERE KIDNAPPED!"

"ALICE YOU ARE GROUNDED FROM THE INTERNET FOR A MONTH!" Alice started crying.

"Dan, don't you think that's a little harsh, I mean she DID carry all of the things," Phil frowned.

"But she brought things we don't need! Why would we need a rice cooker?"

"Food? Dan you're being too harsh, look at her," Alice was bawling her eyes out.

"Fine... Only for a day then," Alice stopped crying and beamed. She hugged Phil, then Dan and skipped to the couch to sleep.

After making a gaming video and editing it, they realised.

"Where is she going to sleep?"

"Scissors paper rock?"

"SCISSORS PAPER ROCK!" Dan had paper and Phil had scissors.

"Dang it!"

**Phew! All done :D. Too lazy to do any sample reviews so here's a comeback.**

**Howard: I have a working knowledge of physics.**

**Sheldon: Good, keep working on it.**


	3. Day 2- Part I

**Day 2**

Day 2

SPLASH

"FUCK!" Dan yelled. Last night he hardly got any sleep because Alice slept ON his legs and he would keep waking up to Alice walking around the apartment and bumping her foot on things. Every time that happened he would have to drag her back to the bed.

Back to the present.

Dan went to turn on the light when he realised it was 7:30 in the morning and his door was open. He sighed and went to get changed out of his wet pjs. (NOT IN THAT WAY) He went out of the room to scold Alice. He was joined by Phil who had an angry expression on his face. They went to the living room.

Alice came in and before they can say anything she gave them each a piece of paper and stood there with her note pad. They looked at the paper. This was what it said.

'Menu'

'Bacon Pancakes'

'Alice In wonderland- Pancakes with chocolate syrup, vanilla ice-cream and sprinkles'

On the back it said.

'Drinks'

'Water'

'Milk tea with pearls'

"Uh... I would like the... Alice in wonderland... and uh the milk tea," Phil said un-certainly. Alice nodded and pretended to write it down. She was wearing a white shirt and a black skirt. Her hair was in a pony tail. Phil nudged Dan and whispered, "Play along." Alice looked at Dan.

"Uh the same please," Dan said. She nodded and went into the kitchen. A few moments later she came back with 3 plastic cups sealed at the top filled with something that looked like milk, black balls that was probably the pearls and ice. She set them down and gave them a straw each. She went back into the kitchen.

"What is that?" Dan looked at the drink.

"Should we drink it?" Phil asked.

"YOLO," Dan poked the straw into the lid and took a sip.

"Huh, it's quite nice," Phil tried some. Alice came back but in her Alice Madness Returns dress and 3 plates of 'Alice in Wonderland.' She set the plates down and started to eat hers.

"Alice, why did you dump water on me?" Dan and Phil asked. She took out her notepad.

"To wake you up,"

"Doesn't mean you can dump water on us," Phil frowned.

Alice let go of the note-pad enough so one page fell.

"There was no other way,"

"How did you do that?" Dan asked very surprised. Another page fell.

"Do what?" Alice looked at Dan with innocent eyes.

"Know what we say,"

"You're very predictable now eat your breakfast before it gets cold," she seems to smirk. Dan and Phil obeyed because the pancakes looked very appetising compared with plain old cereal.

"You know, we should do a gaming video," Phil suggested.

"What game though?" Dan asked.

"Minecraft?" at the sound of Minecraft Alice shot out of the bathroom, and nodded excitedly.

"We have to make an account," Phil remembered. Alice took out her notebook and wrote.

"I'll do it, yesterday I brought myself a new laptop and I know how to do one,"

"OK done! Wait, you bought yourself a laptop without permission? " Alice ran into the 'gaming room'.

After a series of 'rituals' (making accounts for both of them, making Skype for them so they can hear each other in different rooms). They were ready. Without any instructions on how to survive. Dan and Phil turned on the cameras.

"Hello Dan and Phil games gang," Phil greeted.

"Gang? Really gang?" Dan said.

"We're not a bunch of kids on the street Phil," Dan deadpanned.

"Oh..."

"We have something we have to admit to you guys, we have never played Minecraft,"

"We haven't even watched a video, so today we decided to make a video about us losing our Minecraft vir-. " Phil covered Dan's mouth.

"Let's get to the video," Phil smiled sheepishly.

"Ok, so Alice our daughter had made us our accounts, took her an hour and our skins which took another hour, so give her a round of applause. It makes me wonder how she did this when she's only 8," Phil explained.

"Yeah our names are Danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil," Dan observed.

"Everyone is going to add us or send us blocks," Phil laughed.

"This video is going to make everyone so mad, including Alice, you can't hate us! It's our first time," **(A/N: My little brother with autism wasn't as nooby as them. Oh and pretend they're on Skype and are in different rooms) **

"Anyways let's press play and now Alice, help us to go on multi-player please," Dan asked.

"Ok. Press on play and then the multiplayer, then click on the first server," she instructed. They agreed earlier that she would talk. How else would she tell them what to do and to pretend she was 8 so the fans won't go," IT'S THE REBIRTH OF MATILDA!" and stuff...

"Alright now we're in," Phil said happily.

**Alright, end of chapter 3. YAY. Still too lazy to make sample reviews soooooo here's a game you should play that's online.**

**Feed The Head **

**or**

**Alter Ego **


	4. A Twist Of Creepypasta

**Ok i'm not writing the next MC chapter because I had writer's block so it's a new chapter now!**

"Uh daddy, I don't think you should drink so much," Alice said. Phil was drinking a whole pint of COFFEE.

"Don't worry it's decaf," Phil reassured. Alice smirked. She was wearing her Alice in Wonderland dress.

"I wouldn't be so sure if I were you, I would check if it was" She smiled putting a spoonful of passion fruit cheesecake in her mouth that she got from who knows where.

"It is decaf. I think... Anyway Can I have some?"

"H TO THE E TO THE LL NO!" she suddenly yelled and scooting away from Phil

"SHUDDUP!" a guy yelled. Alice stormed out of the room clutching her knife and her plate of passion fruit cheesecake. That night Mr Snoot who lived downstairs was never to be seen again...

~o0O0o~

1: 00 am

Phil stared at the ceiling.

"Too much coffee," he stared. He heard a bump in the kitchen. Grabbing something to defend himself he stared into the hallway.

"Was that a murderer coming to kill us all?" he thought. He crept to the living room. And then back to his room chickening out.

2: 00 am

"Hey guys! Phil here and I drank like a pint of coffee earlier," Phil started his camera and started filming.

"I thought it was decaf but it was actually caffeine crazy and the worst thing is Alice actually told me not to drink so much,"

"Oh and I have to keep my voice quiet because Dan and Alice are sleeping next door. We're also saving up for an apartment because Alice needs a room and we agreed for her to sleep in Dan's room,"

2: 30 am

"Ok I decided to do something productive and cleaned my room but I kept hearing bumps at night and it scares me. I had to find an object several time to see if there's a serial killer so yeah. Anyway time for random crap found on Phil's bedroom floor,"

Phil pointed his camera to the objects on the floor. Some of the things are very weird.

"Like this picture of a cactus," Alice said.

"And wait what!" Phil gasped. What was Alice doing in his room? Wasn't she suppose to be sleeping? Phil turned off his camera and stared at Alice.

"What are you doing up late young lady?" Phil said in his best stern voice. Alice went red and smiled.

"You woke me up with your cleaning," she smiled. Phil rolled his eyes and pointed to his door.

"Go to sleep,"

" You shouldn't have done that," Alice skipped to the living room and started playing a game.

"Alice go to sleep," Phil groaned. Alice just giggled and continued playing Slender.

"Is that even good for you," Phil groaned and went to take away Alice's controller. But Alice stood up and got out some chalk and drew a symbol on the floor. Chanting something Phil blacked out. He woke up in a room. With a bunch of people who looks like what Alice would cosplay as. He recognised some of them. Eyeless Jack. Sally... Wait weren't they serial killers...

"AHHHH WHERE AM I?" Phil screamed. The 'things' just stared. One of them rolled his eyes and muttered something about sleep which he needed right now.

"Welcome to my world," a voice that sounds just like Alice. It was a short girl who was wearing a leather dress with ginger hair and brown eyes. She also had a belt on with 2 knives.

"Hey Phil,"she waved.

"A-alice?"

"Hehe. My real name is Kitty and I'm a creepypasta!" **(A/N: Whoa whoa whoa whoa What did I just write?)**

"I know a shocker Hehe, Ok so this is-"

"Can you start from the beginning. Please?" Phil interrupted. Al- KITTY gestured the others to leave.

"Sit down Phil,"

~o0O0o~

"What..." Phil asked after Kitty explained her whole story to Phil.

"Hey, Phil. Don't tell Dan about this. K?"

"Ok..."

~o0O0o~

Phil woke up in his room again. The last thing he remembered was having a tea party with a clown and a little girl called Sally.

"Was that a dream?" he muttered. His camera was still there... He checked the time. It was still morning so he went to the living room to see Dan jumping and dancing around with Alice with an envelop in his hand. Alice didn't look like she was enjoying it very much.

"PHIL GUESS WHAT! The queen gave us a form saying we can get an extension to our house and whilst it's being built, WE GET TO GO A VACATION TO AUSTRALIA!" Dan shouted like a little kid.

"What?" Phil blinked


	5. Vacation In Australia Part I

**Dan's POV**

"We better start packing then!" I realised and rushed to my room to pack. Ok how to fit all of my clothes in my suitcase...

* * *

After squeezing in the last t-shirt I realised that my pants still needed to be packed, so feeling hungry, I went into the kitchen and got myself a muffin that Alice must've baked earlier. Mmmm chocolate chip muffins.

"Hey Dan? Do you have any boxes for me to put some clothes in?" Phil asked coming into the kitchen,"Hey...Alice made that muffin for me,"I spat out the remaining muffin and offered it to Phil guiltily.

"No thanks,"

"Ok. And I don't have any,"

"Daddies. There was a package along with the note and they're boxes for packing," Alice held up tons of folded boxes.

"Thank you!" we both yelled and took about 5 each. Alice rolled her eyes and went to the bathroom to do stuff... I went back to my room(but first getting as much of my games as I can) and labelled some of my boxes like one has all of my plushies and another with most of my games. And so and so. After finally packing for real I finished and started to carry my suitcase down.

When I reached the living room. Phil already had his boxes down and was taking a rest. Alice was munching on a muffin.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"About 12 pm," Alice replied with a mouth stuffed with muffin. She pointed to a tray of muffins and another tray with malteaser cake.

"Where. Did. You Get That?" I asked and gaped at the wonderful sight of Malteaser cake.

"I made it," Alice ginned,"But I did have to raid your malteasers stash," I didn't care about my malteaser stash. It was made into this wonderful cake. I cut myself a huge slice and started eating. Who knew Alice could bake?

* * *

**Phil's POV**

After a very unhealthy lunch, I went back to carrying boxes to the door so we can move whilst Alice helped Dan carry his stuff.

"Hey Phil, where's the new house at?" Dan asked. I put down the box I was carrying which was the box for my pillows and bed covers. I got out the letter and read it out.

"Dear Dan and Phil.

I realised you needed a new house with a room for Alice and for it to be near a school so I decided to get my workers to build you a house near a school. Whilst the house is being built, you can have a vacation in Australia. All you have to do is pack your clothes and other small items whilst my workers will do the rest. I wish you a happy vacation. The house will be built at ****** and the vacation in Australia will be at ******. You will be sharing a house with a family.

And then details details about the house code for getting in the house and the CAR we're renting! WHAT?" I yelled. I kind of stopped reading and freaked out at the vacation part. Hehe. And In the envelope was 3 tickets to Australia and the car keys.

"well that's good. This means we won't have to disassemble our furniture," Dan sighed in relief. I nodded and took my box down

* * *

**At Australia (I'm lazy #DealWithIt)**

News about us moving spread quick. Eventually the 1st, 2nd and 3rd class was full of phagirls which scared Alice a little. The queen put us in business class which made alot of phangirls cry as they couldn't see us but there are alot of hardcore fangirls. One tried to steal our luggage so she could steal our underwear which creeped me out allot.

Alice insisted on dressing as someone called Nina the Killer and compared to the picture, she honestly looked like the real thing which creeped allot of people out and some even tried to call security, but it made finding Alice easier. But her very realistic fake knife caused ruckus in security.

Now we're in the house. We're living with a family of 4. A mother and 3 girls. Twins that're 12 years old and the other girl 16. The bad thing is that the 18 year old called Fina was a huge phangirl and has a massive crush on Dan. She was hardcore but sadly not as her full potential because she has morals. Her other twin sisters are named Amelia and Lina. Amelia was a phangirl but supported phan whilst Lina just watched for because she had to.

Alice knocked on the door. Within 2 seconds a thump was heard. Then the door was opened after a minute by a 12 years old girl,"Hello, you must be Dan, Phil and Alice. Judging by the fact my sister fainted when you knocked and the description of you guys look like. Welcome," she said opening the door wider and welcoming us in. Lina kinda spoke emotionless which was weird. She had black hair and blue eyes.

"I'm Lina by the way. You're videos are ok," she said and went into a doorway. The door way must've lead to the living room. We went in and saw a large room with a TV and a leather light brown couch that went up to the walls. In the middle was a furry rug. Next to the TV was a wii and x-box console along with 3 wii and x-box controllers. In the middle was a 16 year old girl lying in the middle of the room. She was out cold. That must be Fina. When we stepped in, Fina woke up immediately and ran over to us. She had blonde hair and blue eyes.

"OMERGEETRD!11!11! IT THE RELA DAN OMERDGERD ITS NICE TO METT U" **(A/N: You see here Fina is very experienced in tumblr talk inspired by the person who wrote the book with a very long title so here is how to find it. Type placenta and llama into the search bar. Done.)** Fina yelled. Lina groaned and went back to the wii game she was playing which was guitar hero 3.

"Uh. It's nice to meet you too..." Dan nervously said as Fina phangirled. Alice wandered over to the TV and joined in.


End file.
